Thursday, July 27, 2017

Loss and Life

Loss is an inextricable part of life. When a loved one passes on, it can be emotionally difficult... and not just because of mourning losses. There is also pressure to be emotionally supportive to others. And to make major plans and decisions about how to care for your deceased and their assets and belongings.

My last grandparent died about a month ago. It marks a huge milestone in my life, but not necessarily for the reasons you might think. Sure, there's the idea that an entire generation of my ancestors has moved on, bringing me closer to being the eldest of elders. However, the biggest milestone is that the funeral and accompanying events are the last time I will intentionally interact with my extended family, save a single cousin on one side of the family.

This may seem like a harsh tactic, but it is actually about removing toxicity from my life. While I have never had to deal with it directly, a variety of abuses has gradually colored my interactions with the larger family to the point where I feel it is inappropriate to spend my time with these people just because fate gave us a random connection.

For my own health and for the health of my children, for my own family's safety and sanity, I say to my cousins, aunts and uncles... "Bye Felicia!"

Don't get me wrong, most of them are harmless. Maybe a bit too hung up on "normal" (which I am not), or on... Okay, I don't even know. They are all just way too mainstream and snotty about stuff, and my tolerance for such things is very low.

They gossip. They emphasize money. They are willing to look down on people for things that can't be helped. They are hypocrites about their morals.

There's just a lot of baggage there, and I don't feel that any benefit to dealing with that would be worth it. So, there ya go.

This means that my loss is about more than my grandparent. I am losing an entire branch of my family tree... or two. It may be my choice, but it is still valid to mourn the losses of what might have been.

So, this loss feeds the beast of creativity, and I will accept what comes of it. And I solemnly swear I am not writing my entire family into my next murder scene. Not the entire family... lol

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