|Image by David Ho|
So why do I struggle?
The piece that I'm working on - Fluffy Bunny, book 2 of the Runespells series - is really dark. There's physical abuse, mental abuse, psychological torture... And the character arc is all about overcoming what's in her own head, first and foremost.
I love my main character, Nicola. She's a great character.
So, I sent her to be brainwashed by a cult and killed her.
Yeah, she was brought back, but she experienced death. And her self-identity has been under fire. Her pro-active nature has been suppressed. Her love and loyalty has been co-opted.
I've been struggling to write because my characters are going through such a hard time, I can barely hold myself together in the face of their hopelessness and anxiety.
The thing is, I write what I experience, even if the experience in only in my own head. So, to write this psychological suspense, I have to make myself experience it. I have to create the situation in my head and figure out the emotions and the details of how that works.
It's draining me, little by little. But I think it will be worth it.